I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
