if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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