pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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