put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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