You smell like stripper and shame
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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