Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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