I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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