I think my vagina is haunted
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
