Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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