If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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