Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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