His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Randomize
