Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
