this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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