I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
