oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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