So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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