I want to make a zoo with you.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
