Your face is a jimmy john
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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