you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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