ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i love accidental penises.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
