How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
