she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
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