DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
