Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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