Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
