wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
