I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
