I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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