I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize