do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
