we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
