I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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