You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
