3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I am spending my child support on dildos
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
