Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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