It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
