I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
