youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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