There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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