Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
