Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
there is glitter all over my balls
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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