Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
