So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
