Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
