i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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