Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
