I want you more than these girls want KFC
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
