I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
