It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
