Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Can you bring me the toilet please
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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