I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Everyone says I win the strip club
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
