I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
