Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
