Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
