There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
