She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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