The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My liver just had a heart attack.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
