so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Ketchup is God's man juice
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
