Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
