OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
