I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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