I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just cropdusted the office
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
