I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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