Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
