this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
