Me. At least after what I've been through.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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