I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
