Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize