Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
