this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
